Pimp My Microwave!
by Her Sweetness
Summary: A Lifetime movie is coming on and Ryou and Malik have no popcorn, oh no! Can a certain someone help them in time? [Oneshot?]


**Disclaimer:** I don't own the show or Mr.Xzibit.

Her Sweetness: This is odd. I've never seen the show and I had to use an Ebonics dictionary to do this. Yes, I'm so very sad…

* * *

Pimp My Microwave:

"… What're you doing?"

Marik had just come out of the hallway whilst putting his jacket on. He had spent about half the day just sitting at his computer, watching the prices of anthrax missiles on the Black Market website go up and down and actually decided not to buy any when he saw all the cool, new bazookas they had in stock. But, midway through his buying of illegal instruments of torture, Bakura had called him and asked if he'd like to join him at the beach to watch old people pee in the ocean.

Naturally, Marik said yes.

And so now he was in the living room, jacket on and looking down at his hikari who was on the couch in front of the television and sobbing. When he didn't answer, Marik asked again.

"What are you doing, Malik?"

He sniffed, "O-Oh… I… there's this new movie on Lifetime about this girl and this boy and the girl… (sob) it's just so sad!"

"… _Yeah_… Well, good luck with that. I'll be leaving now."

"W-Where are you going?" Malik used the remote to turn off the television set and looked at his yami who was heading for the door.

"Me and Bakura are going to the beach."

Malik wiped the last of his tears away, "Oh."

_Ding-Dong…_

As if right on time, Marik opened the door expectantly and saw Bakura leaning on the side of the wall and Ryou smiling brightly like he always does.

"Ready?" Bakura asked simply, and when Marik had said yes, Ryou bounced off of the porch and into the living room, going right passed Marik and smiling when he looked at Malik sitting on the couch.

"Hi, Malik!"

"Oh, hi, Ryou!"

The little British teen ran over to his Egyptian friend and they hugged like they hadn't seen each other in weeks, but really, it had only been a few hours since they last talked on the phone.

Marik rolled his eyes, "Seems _we've_ been forgotten about. Let's go, Bakura."

"Right."

Ryou turned around before the door closed all the way and called out, "Bye, 'Kura, see you later!"

A grunt was all he received in answer and when the door closed, he hopped onto the couch next to Malik and tilted his head, "Oh, Malik! Your eyes are red, have you been crying or something?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah! Lifetime has this Gotta Cry Your Eyes Out Super Duper Sad Movie Marathon on and I've been watching it all weekend! Actually," He looked at his watch, "The next one is going to come on in about ten minutes, do you wanna see it?"

Ryou squealed, "Are you kidding me? Of course I do! Bakura has been fighting with our next-door neighbors again and threw our television through their window. So, I haven't been watching T.V."

"… Alright, then." Malik got up off the couch and went into the kitchen. He called back, "I'm going to make popcorn!"

"Okay, make mine extra buttery!"

"What about your diet?"

"Screw the bloody diet, I need calories!"

Malik giggled and opened the cupboard where the a box labeled 'Death By Butter' was sitting on the first shelf and he took out one of the popcorn packages and put it in the microwave, pressing the button and waiting with his elbow on the counter.

The allotted three minutes passed and the popcorn bag had only popped one kernel.

"Ugh. I hate this stupid thing."

"Malik! The movie's going to start soon, where are you and my calories?"

"Well, we _would_ be coming, but my microwave's slow!"

A groan could be heard and then Ryou was in the kitchen, walking up behind his friend and looking at the microwave as Malik set in on for another round. Ryou tilted his head, "Oh, here's the problem. See, the power level's on 5. Let's set it to 10."

He did and they both waited for about ten seconds before the popcorn bag blew up and all the butter was jetting onto both of them.

"Eek!" Ryou screamed, "This is so gross…! … Mmm… But it does _taste_ pretty good…"

"Stop licking me!"

"I can't help it, you taste better than before!"

"… Yeah."

Suddenly, the window over the kitchen sink shattered into a million pieces when, out of nowhere, a large man in a Fubu shirt and thousands of gold necklaces jumped in from outside and landed on the tiled floor.

Both Ryou and Malik blinked.

"S'up?" He asked, grinning from ear to ear, his grill gleaming.

Malik whispered to his friend, "Ryou, some guy with gold in his teeth has just broken into my house, what should I do?"

"Malik, that's that guy from that TV show!" He turned and waved at him, "Hallo, Mr. Xzibit! What're you doing here?"

"I was chillin' outside ya window and thought ya'll might need a lil' help in herre! So, you want us to pimp yo' ride or wat?"

"… Um, we don't have a 'ride'. My microwave's busted." Malik pointed to himself and his friend who were covered in hot butter.

Mr. Xzibit looked at it and shrugged, "S'betta than nothin'. We been slow in business lateh an' need somethin'! But keep dis on da DL, yo, cuz dis microwave stuff ain't wat we normally do."

He walked over and unplugged the device from it's socket, turning back and winking before leaving out of the window, "Ey, yo, I'm takin' this piece o' junk to West Coast Customs, be back."

"Well, hurry back!" Ryou whined, "Our lifetime movie comes on in like eight minutes and we really need popcorn!"

Malik looked at him skeptically before saying, "We don't _need_ popcorn, you know."

"… Oh, shut up, I'm hungry."

Mr. Xzibit blinked and shrugged, "… 'Iight." And with that, he flew out of the window, using his Timberlands and his heavy gold medallions to fly off into the sunset and over to West Coast Customs. But, seeing as how they were in Domino, he went to this place called DICK. It _stands_ for something. Domino's Inner City K'fuzz.

K'fuzz also stands for something. Kar Fixer-Upper. The 'zz' are there for ghettoness.

The man finally found DICK and did a small twirl before landing gracefully on his feet in front of the large and rundown structure.

He walked to the open door, looking around inside the large, purple warehouse that had a bunch of chopped up car parts lying around and a few old tools. Suddenly, about five men ran pasted Mr. Xzibit in a drunken blaze, shouting out, "WUNGA WUNGA!" And ran out of the door, into the street and shot people.

Mr. Xzibit shrugged and went further inside where a lonely looking man sat in a chair propped up by a stolen car.

"Wat up, brother?" He held up the microwave, "We gotta get our popcorn on, can you pimp this in time?"

"Uh… I-I don't really know… The others just went out and I've never really done any work…"

"C'mon, man, dat ain't right!"

The scruffy man looked at the microwave and got up from his seat, nodding to Mr. Xzibit, "Well… okay. If you're sure!"

"S'not my microwave. Why should I care?"

"Let's get to work, then!"

The whole process took about three minutes, total. The man enlisted Mr. Xzibit help with the bulk of the work and while Mr. Xzibit claimed that he was too 'ghetto-fabulous' to do anything, he was forced into holding the tools.

* * *

Back at Malik's house, he and his best friend were on the couch, sitting in front of the television. Ryou was lying down over Malik's lap, almost in tears and looking at his watch.

"O-Oh, Malik…! _Tales of a Fat Woman and a Raped Pigeon _comes on in two minutes! And we don't have any popcorn!"

"… Ryou, we don't really _need _popcorn."

"You're so cruel, Malik, you haven't been on a rice cake diet for the past two weeks! I _NEED_ popcorn!"

"… Okay…"

And out of the blue, their living room window shattered into small pieces and they scattered all over the carpet. Following them was Mr. Xzibit who flew through the window and landed on his feet, doing a twirl and grinning at the two on the couch, holding something behind his back.

"When ya gave us ya yo' microwave, da thang was all beat up! But, now… we be pimpin'!" He took it out from behind his back and presented it to them and it looked completely different.

Ryou's eyes widened, "Wow."

"… What did you do to my microwave?"

"Les take a look at yo' new, sweet ride—err, microwave!"

A screen appeared and the microwave's new contraptions were scrutinized. A voice echoed throughout the room as the screen zeroed in on each new part.

"_First, we thought the color white was a little dull, so we painted it platinum! Next, for a little pizzazz, we added some spinners to your buttons, yeah baby! And of course, what's a microwave without stereo? Nothing! So we added those on, too! We also thought that microwave-time is party-time! So we built a mini Jacuzzi inside so you can share with all of Domino!"_

Mr. Xzibit grinned, "Yo' officially been pimped!"

Malik's eyes were now sparkling, "Whoa! That's so cool, thanks, Mr. Xzibit!"

Ryou whined, "Does it still pop popcorn?"

"Fo' sho! In less dan five seconds, yo!"

"YAY!"

* * *

About an hour later, Marik and Bakura came into the house and stopped in their tracks when they saw Malik and Ryou on the couch, watching the television intently and, in the background, loud rap music was playing that was coming from the microwave and there were girls in bikinis and men in thongs running in and out of the Jacuzzi.

Bakura looked to his companion, "Do you want to ask or should I?"

"I will… Malik, what the hell are you doing?"

He and Ryou looked up, eyes filled with Lifetime movie-induced tears and they managed an enthusiastic smile, "W-We be pimpin'!"

"…"

"…"

"We're never leaving you two alone again."

**End?**

* * *

Her Sweetness: So, tell me what you want me to do with this thing. One-shot, or a little continuation? I'm flexible. But if I don't get any reviews, I'm not doin' a thing! 


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